Hey, N.Y.C. Cat Lovers Facebook group! As a new cat owner, I’m so excited to be a part of this online community of a-meow-zing cat people! I’m hoping you guys can help me out. You see, I was a little late in feeding Speckles this morning. Out of nowhere, he placed his paw on my foot and, in a mocking tone, said, “Feed me, woman.” Is this normal?
My favorite part of having a cat is coming home to him each day—it’s so cute when he rubs against my legs! Sometimes, when I get home, I notice that stuff has been moved around. Occasionally, it’s big stuff, like rugs or lamps. Other times, it’s small stuff that I almost don’t notice. Last Tuesday, my favorite mug had been moved close to the edge of the shelf, and when I opened the cabinet it fell out and shattered on the floor. I heard a smug little laugh from the other room. I have reason to suspect it was Speckles. Do your fuzzy friends ever pointedly set traps like this? At least he never scratches the furniture!
Speckles is a spunky little guy with a big personality. He likes to be right by my side every minute of the day, even when I’m trying to get work done! One time, he kept stepping his cute furry paws on my laptop keyboard. While my back was turned, he ordered a copy of “Infinite Jest” from Amazon using my credit card. How did he memorize my card number? Have any of your cats ever stolen money from you and used it to buy a David Foster Wallace novel? When I adopted him, I knew that he might pee on the couch—it’s just odd that no one warned me about this!
My kitty is always leaving funny surprises around the house—I’ll find a bit of fur in the corner, or a torn-up receipt that he mistook for a toy! Once, I found a note taped to my bathroom mirror that said, “Consider more makeup today, ugly.” I was certain it was Speckles, because he’s the only one who knows I have that insecurity. Does anyone else’s cat target their innermost uncertainties in this way? Seriously, I’ve been reading a lot of cat forums, and it seems like cats generally just lie around all day, so this is throwing me for a loop, is all.
Anyway, after that incident, things started getting a bit better with Speckles. That is, until one day when I came home to find him and five other cats I didn’t recognize smoking American Spirit cigarettes in my living room. When I walked in, Speckles told me to “go mind my business,” and then he and all the other cats laughed at me.
Am I not playing with him enough? Is his litter box too dirty? Does he need more time outdoors? Seriously, cat lovers, I need some help here! I read that I’m supposed to tire him out before bed by playing with him, but he just keeps telling me that he doesn’t have time for my “little games,” and then demands that I buy him a Bowflex machine. Does Purina make those?
I’m sorry this post is so long, but I hope that someone on this paw-some page can help me out! I’ve got to go—Speckles just started blaring Father John Misty. They never said it was easy being a cat mom!
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June 16, 2020 at 06:17PM
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My Cat Just Said “Feed Me, Woman” Out Loud—Is This Normal? - The New Yorker
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