I was working with one of my clients who was questioning whether or not to switch careers because she was feeling unfulfilled in life. She had spent most of the past few years ambitiously climbing her way up the corporate ladder, only to find that things at the top weren’t all they were cracked up to be. She worked endless hours, had no time for dating, and missed spending time with her family. It left her feeling confused and disillusioned. What had she been working so hard toward? Why had she accomplished everything she set out to accomplish, but still felt like something was missing? Was she in the wrong career? Was she not cut out for corporate America? Perhaps, but I wanted to do a little more exploring before she walked away from everything she’d worked so hard for.
We began the self-inquiry of “Why?” Her drive to be ambitious was fueled by having grown up in a home where money was always tight. She wanted to create a life where she could afford things she wanted, not just things she needed. Financial success was an important value of hers because she wanted the ability to take her family on vacation, enjoy outdoor adventures, and not have to worry if the bills were going to get paid. It wasn’t money she wanted, it was what money would afford her. Freedom, the ability to be generous, the feeling of being able to do what she wanted. She also had a deep desire to give back and to teach others.
As we continued digging, it became clear to her that she already had the capacity to do all of the things that were important to her, but she hadn’t slowed down or taken the time to be able to actually do any of them because she was so busy working to create a life where she could do those things.
She was caught in the hamster wheel of accumulating, but forgetting why she was even accumulating in the first place, so her life felt empty and without purpose.
The next week she took a day off to go skiing with her friends. She also made the decision that her work day would end at 6 p.m., and she held that boundary. All of a sudden she had time to date. She volunteered to be a financial coach for young people and brainstormed ways she could give back to her community.
The simple act of pausing long enough to question why she was doing what she was doing resulted in her creating a work/life balance that made her life feel enjoyable and meaningful again. She didn’t need to change careers to find that, she just needed to remember what her values were and make them a priority.
Far too often we look for a change in circumstances to give meaning to our lives, when sometimes that which we seek is right in front of us.
She may still decide to find a different career path, but now she feels like she has more options because she’s no longer looking to her career to create purpose.
Purpose isn’t something outside of ourselves that we must go seek. Purpose is a choice. Defining what we want is important, but it’s even more helpful to ask ourselves “Why?”
In coaching we call it “the why behind the why.” It’s often not the thing we are after that matters to us, but it is what we believe that thing will create for us. Keep asking until you get to the core of what you desire. Once we discover what it is we truly want in life, we often find that it’s been right there the whole time.
Rebecca Stark Thornberry is a mastery certified life coach and the owner of Rebecca Stark Coaching. You can contact her at 720-412-6148 or visit rebeccastarkcoaching.com. If you have questions you would like answered in this article, or would like to inquire about coaching please submit to rebecca@rebeccastarkcoaching.com.
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The Relationship Coach: The why behind the why - Longmont Times-Call
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